You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
