Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
