she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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