Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
