At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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