I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
