You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
