I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
