I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize