Pappa wants mamma naked
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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