how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
