So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
