Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
