you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
pray to the hookup gods
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize