I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
