just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
