i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
