We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
