Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I want you more than these girls want KFC
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize