She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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