My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
