I puked a lego.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
