why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
