a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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