The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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