did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
