It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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