First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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