Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
