Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
