If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
