i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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