Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize