Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize