but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
