just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
