I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
