the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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