I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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