Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
she looked like the before picture.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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