never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
