The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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