He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
