If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
