I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
