Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
