Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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