Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
