hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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