Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
it's great music for shaving your balls
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
