thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
