What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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