If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
