oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
