it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
