you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
