once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
