Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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