after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
