tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
