she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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