The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
