shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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