I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
