Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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