if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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