Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
