Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
