Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
