My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
