I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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