she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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