just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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