I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
