That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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