in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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