Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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